I’m a 37 year old ex-sex worker; I have been an ex-sex worker now for four years. The concept of “just exit” or “just quit” is such an unrealistic and unfair expectation put on sex workers who have the want or need to exit. There are people out there who think that just because a woman doesn’t have the right supports or that are unable to “just quit”, must not want to, enjoy being abused, have no morals and so forth. Well I’m here today to let you people know it’s not that easy. I myself exited four years ago. Today I am a mother of a nine year old daughter that lives with me. Why I say “she lives with me” is because it wasn’t so five years ago. It took me three years for me to get her home from Child Social Services where she had been since the age of four. I believe that is my biggest accomplishment since I have exited. I have also been employed, I have volunteered at a couple places, been through counselling, and yes I still struggle, and yes, the idea of going back to “work” has crossed my mind. I personally couldn’t or wouldn’t act on it, but I can definitely see how easy it would be to go down that path again, and I definitely would not judge anyone who has gone down that path. It’s not like I “just exited” either it took me 12 years of falling and getting back up to be able to get my four years in. I’ve struggled with addictions issues since I was born. My mother was an alcoholic so in turn I was born with F.A.S and a lot of other undiagnosed issues that were not apparent as a child or even as an adult .I grew up in the “Child Welfare” system. I started to drink at the age of eight years old to take away the pain of feeling unwanted and unloved. I started in the “sex trade” at the early age of 12 years old. My addictions continued to progress from drinking, to smoking weed, to snorting cocaine, to injecting cocaine. I started to try to find help at the age of 17. I started going to A.A meetings, which is all I thought was out there. I was in a “relationship” at that time and we did have our own place. Most of the time I was still “working”. When that didn’t work I ended up back on the streets. When a house opened up in downtown Edmonton it was called Kindred House and it was “Safe House” of sorts for “working women” .There is where I truly started my healing and path to self-awareness, even though I would not know it at the time. Kindred House took a Harm Reduction approach which allowed us girls to be who we were without any judgements. I do believe with all my heart that without this place I would not be here today. Allowing me to just be “me” I had found an acceptance of self without even knowing it at the time. In finding that acceptance I had started my journey. It has been a long and hard journey, but for me it has been worth it. I have been through a few 30 day rehabilitation programs, I’ve done day programs, and I’ve done counselling. I do believe that I’ve tried it all! There is no one path to take; it is as unique of a journey as the person taking it. It may require intensive counselling, life skills, job training, and ongoing therapy. Many women get lost along the way. I have known quite a few who were, and it still saddens my heart thinking about them .They may have been lost, but in my heart they will NEVER be forgotten. I share today in hope’s that my story will give some inspiration for the lady’s that are going through this journey now. I would like to say to you that you are definitely worth it and there is someone out there who does understand what you are going through. And to the ladies out there who choose to stay in the profession… STAY SAFE!
Much Love and Respect.
- Still Struggling
This post was written by a volunteer of the Shift Engagement Program. For more information about the Shift Engagement program or how to get involved, please feel free to contact us at (403) 237-8171.
No comments:
Post a Comment